Um... here's a treat, for waiting so long for me to post.

I've been wondering how to start on what seems like it should be an incredibly utterly epic post of the last few months. The excuse-thing keeping me from posting is lack of pictures, as I feel I should have tons to show you guys. I'll have some. Eventually. But I don't have a camera (despite my birthday, and christmas, and the money I've made) and everyone else's camera batteries keep running out (because I use them desperately and sneakily in very intense concentrated bursts of time, without their owners' knowledge...).

What can I say? I'm poor, very poor, but I live in a great place so it doesn't bother me too terribly much (except when I see really cool clothes in windows and on others, or exceptional purple velvet coats in spontaneous countryside boutiques and am overcome).

Um, also excuse is adjusting to the whole school thing, and um, just being lazy. It's harder to think about writing a post to "sum up what I've been doing from May-2009" in one whole entry. o__O Instead of doing it month by month, which I should have been doing.


I started school at Massey University way back on July 14th, and was finished with the semester in October. o__O Summer Holidays! :-) It's still very strange that september and october are spring months, and that I'm in summer. Spring? September? January? End of school year? Warm? Was such a long time ago that I used to think that way, when I attended school here before... 10 or 11 years ago.

Massey has been pretty good to me, in terms of being a school which is helping me get back on track and on my feet again. It seems ridiculously more relaxed than OU, which perhaps is saying something (as wasn't OU fairly relaxed compared to others?). And in some ways, I do mean ridiculous as even the teachers come in 15 minutes late, and it seems quite informal. (yet still work is important. lol).

When bringing my artwork to show to the undergraduate professor, in an interview like meeting, I had taped two large sheets of moving-box cardboard to put it all in and I was worried about his possible reactions to this cheaply innovative presentation, but his comments were that my work was fairly disciplined. Made me quite glad that I was not a flashy american design student with my big black portfolio with dates and a time line and over-organisation (design majors reading this, you know I'm just being amusing, but really I'm just not that slick).

At the same time the department is fairly socialist in how it functions. They supply what we need (work studios and machines, not supplies), coordinate things, had a really nice way of figuring out our groups for group project work (we all shared what we liked making and what sort of themes we were interested in, and then they put us into groups based on who they thought would work well together.  All the girls in my group (the "surreal group") were focused on the same sorts of things as I am, we all had very similar tastes, it was eerie). There is a kind of togetherness which is comfortable, the third years are all fairly laid back and doing their own thing and have a fun time. Though, sometimes the groupness can get to me, just a little bit, but even then I feel that if I don't care to join in that I'm not going to be cast out or burned or shunned in any sort of hunted glaring way. :-) (yes I felt that way at OU for a time being...).

A very long while ago I went to academic advising, not really sure what to expect as I hadn't been assigned anyone in particular, but I just turned up with my enrolment form and my academic print out record that I collected from the main office (yeah, my DARS I suppose, but it was in a more simple spreadsheet form), and then waited around in a seminar room with everyone else there until one of the 3 teachers was free to help me. :-) Very interesting process. Felt like a warm busy waiting room. Kind of had to jump in there if you wanted to get it out of the way though, which I fortunately managed.

The main thing that I notice has changed is my anxiety. I remain anxious now when speaking in front of others or telling my ideas to various sized groups of people or teachers, but I am now able to sit in class, can sit around people and have minimal feelings of nausea. Which is great. Sometimes it makes me wonder how at OU I could not bring myself to go to classes which were 5 minutes away, yet here I go to classes where I must take two buses and which takes at least 45 minutes total to get there (from a room in my house to my studio space). I suppose that it's because it takes 45 minutes to get back, so I can't just rush off if I feel like it and be home in 5 minutes. I'd have to spend all of that bus time feeling badly.

Plus, the classes aren't really "classes" they're more like "taking attendance mini-check up" sessions, where most people are late, so that works just fine with me. We meet, then go our very separate ways to do what we need to do, or just do what we wish.

I have gotten fairly used to being in a city now, traveling through one, and have come to feel alright and knowing that it is okay to get a bit frazzled by noise and that I must take care of myself more in that regard. I don't wear my ipod as much, but it's nice to have it handy.




The greatest invention for an art student (especially a withdrawn one such as myself) has to be the Personal Studio. I actually had one! (and will have one again this year). It was probably around 6x7 ft in dimensions, and relatively enclosed (as much as movable walls on wheels can afford enclosure) leaving a 3 ft gap to enter through. I had pinned a sheet across the gap, so it made a sort of buffered entry-way.

I've found I am a nesting sort of person (though it was probably obvious with many of my spaces I've lived in so far), and so that can be a little limiting at times, as I only feel able to work and be inspired when I feel settled in, in a good amount of privacy, and when I have a feeling of making a place my own. It was still hard to work down there sometimes, during class because everyone else was there and I have a hard time filtering them out even with the ipod. But on the weekends it was great. I got a lot done on those saturday mornings.

Would it have been too much to ask to have a personal space at OU? I've found I desperately needed one all these years but never found it. Very maddening to know that other OU art departments had them. Did printmaking? I definitely assumed not. Has it changed? But the relief it brings, knowing I can retreat to somewhere where I won't have to clean things up necessarily and where I can be alone behind a curtain if I'm feeling overwhelmed... It got so tiring having to pack and set up all the time in printmaking. Grrr.

I had two studio classes and then a sort of lecture class. One would think that sounds like I had nothing to do, but for example wednesdays I had contextual studio which was listed as being from 9-12, when in reality I had to stay until 4pm due to group project time etc. That was always a long day.

I took a painting studio, and I also had what is called Contextual Studio (on the wednesdays), which was more of a concepts class and where one may do anything, but must think more objectively and about audience and context and "what has come before" yada yada.




I did attend part of the wellington film festival which was sometime in July. I only went to two things (tickets are expensive, even for a student), but the last one I saw was The Freshman starring Harold Lloyd, which is a silent film from 1925 about a freshman starting at university and the trouble he gets mixed up in. And best of all, there was a live 8 or 9 piece orchestra down in the orchestra pit! It was something of an experience. Silent movies have a way of bringing a complete shared experience to an audience, because one can laugh without missing any lines, and you find that everyone laughs at the same scenes, just peals of it!

Watching it, I wished that you my friends could have been there, we would have imitated Harold's greeting dance for months. Harold sees this popular film about college around 6 times and the main character of it does a little dance whenever he meets someone for the first time, so Harold picks it up for his own use. It's a little jazzy charleston move of crossing legs back and forth and then extending a hand. There was one scene where he was meeting a group of 5 people and he did it for each one before shaking their hands. :-)

If you can find it at a video store, or somewhere like a library, definitely check it out.


My family finds themselves doing many more things than we ever did in 10 years of living in Ohio. Everything is so accessible, and we're invited to things, or my parents have some dinners with friends (yes they now have friends)... even walking along oriental parade is a treat, being by the harbor and water and small beachy area. I don't do too much, because I don't have any money, or friends, but also during the film festival we all went to see "be kind, rewind" and went to a really cool Thai restaurant Monsoon Poon beforehand. Ahh, amazing food and atmosphere.

I'm slowly gathering up these cool places so that when/if you come visit I'll look confidently cultured and "about town". ;-)

I've been to a few concerts and orchestral events, one of which featured Jean-Yves Thibaudet who played the piano for the soundtracks to Pride and Prejudice and Atonement (I assume that's what most might associate him with...). So that was kind of fancy.




We hardly use our car, and during winter we had to get a new battery as ours had died from un-use and cold weather. (!) So we've learned that someone has to go start the car every now and then (especially in the winter) to make sure it doesn't happen again. We do take the bus a lot, which can get tiring, but it's very easy to do. I've memorized bus times and such and it all feels now like I've been doing it for years.

It's still a bit strange to think that I am in Nz, it feels pretty normal. I know the terminologies, know how to get places etc... and most people (strangers) mistake me for a Canadian or a Kiwi, simply because I am pale. A few months ago, a yoga student advertising something stopped me on the street and started chatting with me, and she said she would have never guessed I was an american, (said in her yoga zen voice) "America is the land of goooolden skin, and you're so Paaaale!!" It's quite funny what perceptions other countries have of the u.s. ... Oh yes, and everyone here was very proud of the U.S. for having voted Obama in. :-)

During the summer when I first was here, and when I was taking the cable car, there were quite a few tourists, and of course, on those random days I would overhear that people (dressed in shorts, white tennis shoes and visors) were from "Ohio", then wanting to blurt out "Me too!" but wondering if I would startle them, or if they would have even guessed I was an American just from the way I look. So I usually smiled instead.

I can't believe, still, either, that I have been through a semester, and that now I am on summer vacation. It's just...backwards. Not even backwards, just all upside down.

Yes, after a year, I am acclimated. Like I thought I'd be.
I even have a Nz driver's license on the way, in the mail. Driving will definitely come in time (a very long time), but it will be nice to have, as then I won't have to carry my passport around in order to buy alcoholic beverages. :-)

I've been housesitting for a month, dog-walking, and before that worked at a filing job at Nz's national dance and drama school. But after tonight, I will be home and finally into the part of summer where I am not doing anything. Though, I will probably be preparing for school (which I think starts at the end of February, yes because February is autumn). heh.

I think I am making some progress, mental-health wise. I still do get nervous, but not about the same things, or with as much intensity. I've also started learning quite a lot about myself, in a truer sense and not just through seemingly endless introspection and analysis. Though I love Athens, I needed to get out of the bad situation I was in. It's hard to explain. It's a think where when you finally have something 'lifted' from you, you can start to see more clearly, or in a more objective way as all that stress isn't there to be distracting.

I'm a bit tired to write too much more, perhaps I'll add on this week.
I want to go into so much detail! But for that I'd have to write a short novel.

I just want to get this much posted. heh.
Though it is mightily jumbled. Mightily.

So

To Be Continued...

Hello there freends.

Some developments:

I have submitted an enrolment form to Massey University and so I will probably, most likely, be starting there in July. Exciting news. :-) I would be starting out as a 3rd year, as July is the start of the second term (the school year finishes around october or november), and then I will begin next January as a 4th year (senior). It has a good feeling about it.

Sorry about that last entry, about king's island and that toxic jazz, but as far as toxins go I do think that I've accumulated a lot over 9 years and that I need to dispel. You know when you just feel a lot of negative energy and build up going around inside you? Mmm. You feel so heavy. I look forward to becoming a more positive being, and to learning how to be more in tune with my body and its signals for what will be good for me.

I am looking forward to Massey though, as I met with the undergrad director, who is also an active painter, and he was explaining how Massey has just switched its curriculum to be based off of the more contemporary artworld. Which means that there is now a bigger emphasis on exploration and experimentation, and more encouragement towards expansion and working across many different types of media. Of course it sounds very perfect for how I do art. I love experimenting and finding out things, figuring out new ways of making art, and using lots of different things, to my discretion and whims. It makes me feel like I have more control.

The types of classes I will probably have are a personal studio class thing (I think of it as a sort of independent study), a concepts class (to learn more about what is 'going on' in the world, etc.) and then maybe a painting studio or Maori arts.

For those of you going through an art major, perhaps it will be interesting to compare over time.

The director was telling me also that at the end of the semester classes are canceled and we all (undergrads, grads, masters) are put into groups of mixed levels and show our work. Kind of like a big critique week, but we'll all have the opinions and ideas of people from all different student and art levels. So that should be interesting.

There are also only about 80 fine art undergrads, total. So it's quite small.
And seems really chill and easy-going. Accepting and not averse to new or wacky ideas.

And I'll get my own studio space! That's the part I'm most excited about, as most of you know, printmaking majors didn't get any personal working space whatsoever. "Yeah, a drawer will do (my ass it will...)". Sure we had large tables and general space, but I was in desperate need for a sense of privacy and a place where I could actually leave all of my things, knowing they'd be relatively safe and undisturbed. I'll definitely have to take pictures.

I complained before about Massey the first time round. But I have learned that it takes effort in finding the right people to talk to, and that administration workers aren't there to really help you. Their job is to just get all the paperwork done. :-)

So yay.

My sister and her boyfriend will be here on Friday (which is thursday for you guys). We are quite excited to have them, as they are the missing pieces. And it will be fun to have someone to show around and go do things with. It will be interesting to see how they adjust, as we are already quite comfortable here. Maggie will be staying with us, so she'll have quite a few bags I imagine...she will probably continue her teaching degree at Victoria on the Karori campus. My class ends in about a week or two, so hopefully I will have a lot of spare time to hang around with Maggie and Todd and perhaps travel or visit Napier or somewhere with them.

It has been getting quite cold here still, going into winter. The heaters are fine, and usually we section off rooms (as all the rooms to our house have doors, even the kitchen) and it gets nice and cozy. I suppose I haven't posted pictures of our house with all our furniture in it, have I? I will do that. I suppose I should let people know that I wear my possum cloak in the house a lot, it's a nice thing to just drape on when coming downstairs to get breakfast. :-)

I have a lot of things to post. Yesterday while hanging out some laundry, I got a videocamera and captured a Tui singing in the trees in the back of our house. Tui's are very quirky birds, and seem almost like parrots or like Kea's who are cheeky little things living on the south island who like to tear cars apart. I'm anxious for spring as we have a Kowhai tree in the front yard and Tui's supposedly get really drunk on the nectar and are all over the place, hanging upside down on branches.

The reason I wanted to catch one on camera is that they have a really quirky and distinct birdsong.
This is what they look like:



And this is what they sound like:


And like this (though I think this one is trying to sound more like a common bird at times):



They're so funny. They come and sit in our trees quite often, as behind our house there is a gorge (bush area) with a lot of trees, so there are a lot of birds and moreporks and cats and such.

This is how fast the clouds go on a normal breezy day (i.e. yesterday):



My hair is sort of starting to grow out. It's just about to the length I had it in freshman year. :-) An inch shorter perhaps.

Kia Ora! Kei te pēhea koutou?

That's "Hello. How are you (all)?" in Maori. (pronounced as "keeora (with one r roll), katie pe-ah KOHtoh?) Kei te pehea koe is how are you to one person, and that's said like KAYtie pe-AH kway?)

:-)

I haven't update for a month now. Er...ehm...well I haven't been up to much, so there has not been much to write about.

I had my first German test last thursday which I think went over pretty well. The grading scale at Victoria is a bit weird, as, explained to me by a girl in my class, nz kids don't have much of an entrance exam to get into Victoria and so there "are a lot of STUPID people getting in", and thus the grading scale is lower.

If you want to get an A you only have to get an 85! Seems that each school in succession I go to has a lower grading scale. My definition of an A from high school to now has dropped from a 93 to an 85. And it's not all that difficult to get an 85 either...I got an 86 on my writing assignment and thought with some shame that it was a lower sort of B grade, when it was actually not that bad.

Anyway.

I don't think I'll be at Victoria for long, as I need to e-mail a guy at Massey about my situation and set up a meeting with him to figure out what sort of art degree I can finish in. I don't want all of my credits to not contribute to anything. The first time going to Massey we were unfortunate in who we met with as they were obviously not the right people to inform me about what I was going after.

So we've made some calls and seems that these newer people have a good inkling of what the sitch is. I think it might turn out that I just get a bachelor of arts degree, just a regular old thing, not in anything completely specific. I wish that Athens had offered such a thing so that perhaps I could be finished with school this June.

I am tired of the school thing. Which is surprising as I thought I'd love to be in school always or that maybe I was a little bit more of an academic, but I just want to move on and try the 'life' thing for a while. Seems that here people's expectations are not as demanding of whether one goes to university or how long it takes. It's okay if it takes you a while to figure it all out.

New Zealand is just kind of regular old nz to me now. I've made a friend from my german class whose name is Anne, and while she's only 17 she seems quite mature and knowledgeable for her age, so that's been nice to have someone to chat with, to bounce thoughts off of, someone with which to make comparisons of countries. And it is nice while she is only taking this German class in a 'for the meantime' sort of way as well as she is going to go study violin at the royal london school of music sometime in the next few months. So it seems she is a pretty good musician. And I probably won't be at Victoria this winter either, so it works.

This Monday starts our two-week break, which is nice. It seems that it's more of a mid term break, and then between terms there is always a one week break. And then not as much summer vacation time, but who needs nearly three months of time off anyway? :-)


I've recently been thinking of what being in nz is doing for me. For one, it seems to be allowing me some perspective (via distance) on these past few years of my life, most of which were depressing and fairly confusing. Odd how it seemed to be that I needed to get out of the country in order to have more hindsight. In my mind I imagine myself looking from nz in to a very large telescope over the ocean to the past. And I've been seeing very interesting things. I think this 'move' is allowing for me to rest and heal some things, to get out of self-destructive situations, to stop and start again in a better direction.

I'm sure you might remember me how I was in freshman year, strange, bubbly, emotional...or maybe just as a funny sort of girl who made cool art. And then after that year, of someone who became maybe moodier or more withdrawn. I don't know. But I think it's odd that I can pinpoint it to events of a summer which led to my decline in functioning.

It was all due to my asinine king's island portrait job. And remembering it, I couldn't remember if I told any of you about my ridiculous time I had, or what had went on. But it explains a lot of behavior which happened after freshman year. My mini Liz-dilemmas.

I know I don't divulge much on my personal life, that sometimes I'm hard to get to know, but I guess I want you guys to know about the KI thing. Not so much for sympathy but that it's important and might explain a lot of things. Maybe I'll treat it as an explanational confession of sorts, something which was a catalyst for my depressions and my sliding down and neurotic behavior, and ultimately what led to my moving to nz. And you guys are my friends, so you probably deserve an explanation?

I did have a nervous/emotional breakdown at my work on day that summer of '05 where it felt like I cried for 2 or 3 hours straight and I had to be sent home half way through my shift and given 3 or 4 days off to 'recover'. The environment of that place was a slow and insidious form of torture for a person like me. I learned from it that I have delicate nerves and just can't work in a place which grates on my nervous system incessantly for 8 hours at a time. I wish my body wasn't this way, but it just happens to be really physically/emotionally sensitive.

In any case, I developed a fear of crowds and a fear of 'people' in general, just from all the park guests and having to 'perfom' with my artwork for them, which led to me being quite unsure of my art making at school afterwards, as I got paranoid of being in class as it felt similarly to my job where people would watch me draw and then judge my work and performance afterwards.

After that summer it was very difficult to go to classes, even to just walk there by myself because of all the crowds of students, and the feeling that everyone was staring at me when in class. I wanted to hide all my artwork, work in an isolated room instead of in a printmaking shop with 15 other people. Everything became a mess. And I also developed a fear of jobs. I can't tell you how difficult it still is to even write a little cover letter to a potential employer or how long it took me to make up a resume. I just stop thinking. I freeze and my brain goes numb. It's paralyzing. I really wish I could get a job, a little quiet one, but it's still hard to get past the initial wave of dread and stomach twists. It made me feel abnormal and picky, "why can't I just go and get a job like everyone else? Why why why?". There were so many whys and barrages loading on to my self-esteem. Lots of self-deprecation and poking, questions and feeling like a complete failure at 'life'.

I hate king's island for that. I'd be good at a lot of jobs.
And not having a job, or having had one in Athens or anything, I felt made me appear lazy and irresponsible, when really I was just deathly afraid and needed a lot of help and encouragement.

And then there were all these confusing emotions about Chris, which maybe I won't go into, but it was a big contributor to stress.

But, I guess I'm sorry if I seemed weird or withdrawn, but I was dealing with natures of things, half of it not knowing where any of it was coming from as I didn't realize the extent to which the king's island situation had affected me, so I couldn't explain it anyone, much less to myself, and the way I was explaining to myself...well...it wasn't healthy. My self-esteem just dropped because I felt like it was all because of 'me' and that my failure was my fault (which it half was) and so it naturally resulted in a lot of depression and tremendous loads of self-hate. It had tones of ptsd, and I've been now dealing with these issues for 3 or more years, which seems like a very long time. And it was. You, my friends, were the only bright sparks of my day to day living. A lot else was just very difficult and unhappy.

It feels like I've hated myself for so long. It was a defense mechanism. It still is.
I call myself names and other things. Have a bad self-critic. But I won't go into that, as it's also from many other things not related to king's island.

And people may think, well how can a person get ptsd from a job? And one which was just in an amusement park? But I think of it (and feel it) as the park having raped me. Maybe that sounds extreme, but it really did strip me of all my abilities to function and be content, tore out all my coping mechanisms and ate them. I feel I went into the job alright and then was spit back out all beat up and broken as a messy scramble of my former spirited self.

It really was a form of physical and emotional/mental assault. When I read about trauma and PSTD I see myself reflected in the descriptions. Which is uncomfortable and strange as it really didn't 'seem' that I went through a trauma, especially to an outsider's opinion, but I have experienced most to all the trauma symptoms. Except my stressor was chronic and over time, not an 'event' per se... but still. It led to an event (the breakdown).

"This syndrome has two stages: the immediate or acute phase, in which the victim's lifestyle is completely disrupted by the...crisis, and the long-term process, in which the victim must reorganize this disrupted lifestyle."

I've been going through the long term process now. It's like I've only just really discovered that I am in dire need for a re-organization of life and lifestyle.

Does that enlighten anyone? I don't know what you guys saw of me, or how you saw/see me, maybe saw me as irrational and irresponsible, confused and riding on whims, not accomplishing anything. I don't know if you noticed a change between my freshman self and the self afterwards. I remember asking a few of you to walk me to dining halls and such (it was because of anxiety). But maybe that's all.

It is hard to explain, as the cause was not physical. Maybe I shouldn't bring it up, but it's not like I was hit with a car (like Lacie was that one year, and yes she did have pstd symptoms afterwards and it was not a fun thing to deal with at all, as I had talked to her about her anxiety about crossing streets and her nightmares about it) but people knew about it and could tangibly see that it happened and that there was a reason for her to be afraid of streets and cars.

I really hate what it did to my creative morale. That's what I'm most angry about. It distorted something which I loved doing into something filled with awful insinuations and overlying filters of perfection and paranoia. Maybe I partly moved to nz to refind my creative self, to save it.

Anyway.

I am doing a bit better. It's a slow process. I need the healing and the distance, the time for figuring things out.

It's gotten colder here, with autumn weather and so I can wear more of my clothes.

My camera is dying, so I haven't taken any pictures, which has made me depressed as I like having that means of creation and now I don't. Since my birthday is in August maybe I'll consider getting help in buying a new one.
But here is a picture of us from Easter, and the view from our small front lawn:




I do like Wellington as even though Wadestown is near the city, there's still a lot of nature surrounding.
I've taken to walking down to the cable car for class, and it takes me maybe about 25 minutes, but there are lots of trees along the way. And in the back of our house is a small 'gorge' where there are many trees and birds, and at night sometimes I hear a morepork, which is a small owl in nz, and which makes a sound like it's name Click to hear a morepork. It's very almost deathly quiet at night so the call is clear and soft; very soothing.

I really do think that all of you should move here.
Or if you visit I don't think you'll want to go back home.

I really mean it when I say it makes me think of you, especially those of you who are environmentally minded. All of the house cleaner sprays etc. are environmentally friendly which I think is amazing. And people are concerned about energy conservation and such, I'm pretty sure that all food is free of genetic engineering (I remember coming back to the u.s. once and not wanting to eat anything because I could taste all the preservatives). And there is so much nature everywhere. Even in the cities.

And I see Honda Fits everywhere. :-)
There's a light blue one which is usually parked by my class building at Victoria.

Anyway. I'll stop promoting the country...  but really...ohhhh. There's so much.

Okay. I need some lunch.

Those Rilke words I promised.

"...very alone and very forsaken I go my way; and of course that is good: I never wanted it otherwise. But all the fear and worry that came and grew with the happiness and the largess of the past year, has made that in me which creates weak and uncertain and timid.... But I am a very defenseless creature (because I was a very timid, lost, defenseless child), and when fate cries out to me I always grow quite, quite still for a long time and must remain so, even though I suffer unspeakably day and night from the no-longer-sounding.... Should one perhaps seek rescue in some quiet handicraft and not be fearful for whatever fruit may be ripening deep within one, behind all the rouse and stir? Sometimes I think it would be a way out, because I see always more clearly that for a person like me nothing is harder and more dangerous than trying to earn his living by writing. I cannot force myself like that to write at all; and the consciousness alone that some relation exists between my writing and the nourishment and needs of the day is enough to make work impossible for me. I must wait in stillness for the sounding. I know that if I force it it will not come at all. (It has come so seldom in the last two years.)... on bad days I have only dead words, and they are so corpse-heavy that I cannot write with them, not even a letter. Is that bad, weak? And yet God wills it so with me..."


Two main things happened last week, I started my German course and our things were moved into our house.

I perhaps should have written about them when they happened, as it was all a week ago, but there has been much wear and tear of unwrapping furniture and miscellaneous boxes, of rooms crowded with things which make me wonder why I let them pack it up and ship it. It all came on a Tuesday, and the way it worked was our container was parked along the main road up above. The movers would pack things into a smaller van/truck (vuck? tran?) and drive it down our actual street, where they would then unload it and carry the boxes et al down the cut and into our house.

Our house is situated (if I have not written of it before) on a hill, between two main roads, and connecting those two roads is a zig-zagging pathway shortcut, which are common to areas in Wadestown. The guy who had moved us out of our Ohio home had made an inventory, so each item (box or item of furniture etc.) had a small orange sticker with a number on it. It became my job to tick off which boxes were coming in, to make sure we had everything. There were about 270 items.

The people moving us in were appropriately called "The Moving Company" and all the movers were Maori guys (native nz-ers), of whom almost all had played rugby, or certainly looked like they could have. The guy who got there first was named Paul and he was also a bouncer at a bar/strip club called the Mermaid Lounge, and you would not want to mess with him. But he and his brother who was there both had a nice giggle and were quite cheery and laughing (especially when back-up help arrived). One of the first things he asked was if we were from California, to which we said, "no no no...we're from Seattle..." (we tell people we're from seattle, as most tend to know where that is, it's just easier). No, we're not rich californians, and we won't be snobby to you. :-)

It was really pretty fun, I was awed at their strength and endurance, ability to lift things up stairs, their skill in moving couches through narrow doorways. They moved our piano down on its side, and we couldn't figure out what they were bringing through the doorway until they turned it rightside up. I got pretty good at my book keeping duty as well, but was glad when it was all over. It's a process which isn't exactly tiring, but once it is over you are slightly relieved you don't have to do it anymore, but are also semi-flustered in not knowing what to do with all the boxes, wishing you could continue putting pen to paper until exhaustion would finally set in. It became a sort of on-the-toes rhythm to keep up with all the incoming numbers. My mom would tell them where to put it and I would check it off. I like efficiency. Have a penchant for chaotic order (as you might have guessed).

I was also a pro at unwrapping, using a pocket knife. Made me wonder if I had been some sort of knife-user in a past life because I really enjoyed it a little too much. We marveled with frowns at the previous-hyperactivity of the Ohio movers, as they had wrapped things like a plastic funnel, which was barely used, in a whole sheet of paper to itself, wasting a sapling in the process.

I do have a bed now. It seems very tall (taller than I remember), and when I sit on it I feel as if in an ocean of duvet with my many pillows, and that I am very small indeed. In a settled dauphine way. All of my clothes do fit in my closet (miraculously? I'm not really as bad as I think). But I have some plastic boxes with old papers and school things, and of course all of my artwork (which I think will end up under my bed). We've been putting things in Maggie's future room, using it for storage. It is nice having my things, but I will enjoy them better when it looks a bit calmed down and not so scattered, when I paint my walls, and when we convert my electric piano from u.s. plugs and voltage back to kiwi ones (as we bought it in new zealand after all). What can I say, I'm an idealist and never seem wholly satisfied.

I shall have to take pictures later.

So about German. Soweit so gut, ich bin frisch ausgeruht, und ich gehe in die disko weil man sowas gerne tut (to quote thomas from Die Fantastischen Vier). I find my classmates friendlier than the average OU attendee, and of course in a university foreign language class everyone is decently focused as it was their choice to take it. People are more apt in group/table work. The classroom is set up like a conference room, 4 tables with 5 chairs each (have I already explained this?) so the teacher will lecture for a bit, and then we'll have to do an exercise in our workbook and naturally consult everyone else sitting around us, then we go over the answers as a class. Typical scenario from a language class, but it makes such a difference having tables instead of individual chairs. That way it relieves much of the awkwardness in finding a partner. And also one doesn't have to move anything back to its place (including one's self).

I haven't explored the campus much yet, but I've found out where the library and the bookstore/quad areas are, by means of very handy and straightforward arrows and signs. I had to buy a workbook from a place called "student notes". An interesting place, as what one receives there is one's workbook, which is a copy of a main 'matrix' of photocopies, a compilation which our teachers have put together for distribution. Mine was only 5 dollars, which was a plus. Was quite crowded though and felt like wall street, buying and selling, swiping of cards in no particular order.

I got an ID card last week as well, it's green on the front and has my picture on the back. My stock of 'cards' has increased five-fold since arriving here. I have a library card, an EFTPOS card (which is like a debit card), a university id card, a bus pass, and now a cable car card/pass.

I do take the cable car to campus, which is a popular tourist attraction and takes one from the city (Lambton Quay) up to the Botanical Gardens, and has quite a history. On the way up it stops at Victoria, but just like anything, having been on it a few times it is not so novel anymore. But it is convenient, and they sell student passes at a good discount. And there is one worker who now recognizes me I believe. He has glasses and dark hair. Perhaps it could turn into a distant cable car romance, knowing me. ;-) It's quite neat how the cable car works, as there are actually two cable cars which, I think, pull each other up and down and switch at a half way point in the rails.

Maybe on wednesday I'll try and stand in the front of the car so as to take a video. I long to have a secret camera on a pin or brooch of sorts, to have a discreet Liz-cam to video tape everywhere I go. I really do want to get a nice new camera, as mine just sucks up battery power like nothing else.

I miss the wideness of OU's campus, college green, fewer busy roads. The Victoria campus seems quite cramped and city-like in comparison, people rushing by all the time. I just wish that I could have Wellington's weather in Athens! That would be ideal. It's been hard not to have much of an area between our house and the city, as I also miss just walking to the Donkey or the library, knowing that it would take me at the most 10 minutes to get back home. These days I almost have to make a journey of it. It's a difficult sort of immersion. Would be much easier if I lived downtown somewhere.

A lot of students live at home though. And it makes sense. Is cheaper for that first year, as I don't really know if Vic has many dormitories, if at all. I know Massey has student living, but the ones I've seen are like Mods, with a kitchen area and a refrigerator.

A Southerly has announced itself lately, which means cold winds drifting up from Antarctica. I like them, personally. I wore a sweater and tights today and was all set. It's what autumn should be. And even though it brings dashes of rain (spitting, they call it here, instead of sprinkling), people don't use umbrellas, or jackets with hoods. Too windy for umbrellas anyway. And none of those obnoxious rubber rainboots, with people's jeans tucked in, exist. I can wear a turtleneck and a jacket and walk into a building which occupies near to the same temperature. Such a relief! No more ridiculously overheated classrooms. No more embarrassing strip shows in the hallways of Gordy.

I still have no idea of what I'm going to work towards here. My mother keeps mentioning a lady in Wellington who gives classes in book-binding (much like what we glimpsed at in papermaking class), and that she got a degree in it in Germany somewhere. I've always wanted to design book or journal covers, wanting to figure out how to mass-produce them or how to sell them, sell the design, have them appear in shops... I always imagine people are in need of plain journals with unique covers, instead of those chunky leather types with "Journal" already imprinted in them. What a thought to get a degree in something like book-binding though. Combining efficiency and creativity.

I dream.

Yes, I do want that poor professor's life (or wife of professor).
I have all these 'ideal' thoughts running around in my head, how a goal of mine is to look like a bohemian librarian, to get a small apartment high above things (but not too high), cooking, baking, writing, reading, creating...enjoying nature...loving. Riding around in a car with someone on Sundays. Peachy. Basically I wish to be Amelie. Of course.

Let's see. I haven't driven yet, the roads are windy. But that will come in time. I don't really have a need for driving, I take the bus down or have the option of walking (which I might do on wednesday). It's only really flat here in the city and along the coast. ;-) We occasionally get tui's (or mockingbirds who sound like tui's) in our pohutukawa tree in the back (which is also called the nz christmas tree, as they bloom in bright red blossoms in december).

Tui's sound like rusty gates swinging in the breeze.
Click here for Tui birdcall!


What other magical items of nz can I think of?

People here look more like me. Once I was waiting for the cable car, and noticed that I had the same skin as the girl in front of me. ie, tending toward purple. There are two and one dollar coins, most people have a hot water kettle, many people drink tea, cookies are called biscuits...

I read a day or so ago in a magazine, that in nz there is a 50/50 chance that the home you step into will have a cat. Meaning 50% of the nz population owns a cat, to be redundant. But really, 50%! Like tossing a coin. And no other country in the world apparently can boast that kind of a statistic. So nz wins on catdom. We, here on Orchard St, have at least 3 or 4 who visit us weekly: George, and Fran, and a black and white one. All my parents' good friends here have a black cat, my old best friend had two. When we lived here last our neighbour's white cat Sophie visited our house quite a bit, so it seemed like we had a cat, but we didn't have to feed her. They seem to be standard household items. Buy a home, it comes with a cat. Even if it's not yours. :-) Perhaps it is easier to have a cat in nz, as they don't require much spread out running around space in a back yard (like a dog might. And goodness knows they don't have big lawns everywhere here) Cats have the bush to lurk in.


 I can't think well as of now. I should be in bed reading. So I suppose until next time. (I really should make a list, as everything just feels really normal).

Some commercials:

L&P (lemon and paeroa, so good!, Narrator is Jemaine)

This is one of my family's favorites. We always say, "thet's so cooool ded"

Just amusing
 
Togs togs togs...Undies...undies undies undies, undies

Fresh-up
And Fresh-up, with energy

Buggah. This played when we were here visiting a few years ago. My dad loved it.

   


So, I officiously suck at maintaining this diary, as there has been stuff going on and I have not written about it.

Going way back to last weekend, I met up with my British pal Paul who has been visiting the old N Zedland since the beginning of February. It was a grand time, and was good to get out and spend some hours downtown getting coffee and alcoholic beverages in pubs and seeing movies and eating malaysian and watching Te Papa's 10th anniversary fireworks down on the wharf. Te Papa is Wellington's main museum (eg like any main city museum, but quite cool). In 2006 I saw a lord of the rings exhibit there which had all the original things on display (very neat!).

We saw No Country for Old Men, which was delectable and definitely up to the caliber of Fargo. Though, Paul said he had went and seen There Will Be Blood the day before (which he said was also excellent in the way NCfOM was) and so he kept getting the titles confused, wanting to say things like There will be no old country for new men, or There will be no blood for old country men, and the like. I agreed that both titles were vague in that way and inclined to easily fuse together. It was very easy to talk to him and after the fireworks we walked around muttering about stores here dedicated to British brand items (crisps and pot noodles and sweets), and creating exclamations such as "Great Pot Noodles, Paul!... I seem to love good cheap sauvignon blanc!" while under the influence of half a bottle.

Then On Sunday, we went to the Wellington Zoo, where we saw many animals, most delightful among them a kiwi! One-legged at that, and poking its beak around the dense floor bed of its nocturnal house for bugs and such. Paul noted that the kiwi has the shortest beak of all the birds (I thought, how can that be?), as birds' beaks are measured from their nostrils to the tip and the kiwi has its nostrils right at the end of its beak (which is unusual for birds). It was hard to believe that I was seeing an actual kiwi, as it was much bigger than I expected; it almost felt animatronic, that's how amazing and quite surreal it was to suddenly come upon it. There are no birds like it anywhere else, and they are rarely seen in wildlife either. And it was only half grown! They usually get to be about 2.5 kilos (about 5.5 lbs). They're very quiet and shy.

Then Paul had to make his way down to the south island on monday morning. And I got to go to victoria university to try and enroll. :-F Well, yes it was bad and awfully crowded and managed by student helpers in green shirts and I managed to get upset and anxious like I do, so I got an enrollment form (they spell enrol with one 'l' here apparently) and went back the next day when I was quite a bit more prepared. On the way over I had to get some id photos taken, so we stopped in a small camera shop called Hutt Cameras, run by a very efficient asian man with a kiwi accent. I've never been in and out of a store so quickly and leaving so well satisfied. I appreciate efficiency immensely after going through some uni things here (like at Massey...ugh...heh, more about that later perhaps).

If one is on Lambton Quay in Wellington, to get to the Victoria campus you can take the cable car (which also goes all the way up to the Wellington Botanical Gardens). So that's quite fun, the first few couple of times. Gosh, most of these things are just old hat to me now! Hmm. But the cable car is pretty cool in itself and has an old history.

The Hunter building at Vic was still crowded, and we were told to go and retrieve signatures from the department for the class I was wanting to take, and I was seen going back and forth between buildings for a while. Sometimes angrily, sometimes exasperated. Sometimes hopeful.

It is an interesting enrolment process, as I had to fill out a zig-zag form of a folder of all my personal stats, and the classes I intend to take for all of 2008. Then I needed signatures from the german department lady who happened to be there thank goodness when we went up to that floor (I'm taking German 2A by the way...) and then found out that I had to get a humanities advisor's overall signature who was in the building next door. They were all very friendly and calm people which made the process smooth amidst the hectic environment.

This week is the 'in-person' enrolment week so there were quite a few students as well as first-year student orientations going on.

Then I had to go to the data-entry room where I was chatted to by a student helper when I was at the front of the line. He was attractive in his own way, so it was...nice. I don't usually get chatted to, barely ever in ohio except by that one coffee barista at the donkey who has red hair and who complimented my clothes a lot. But I think he had a girlfriend. But anyway. Point: It is nice to be chatted to and noticed by nice-looking guys.

In the data room I sat in a chair and they typed all my data into their computer system and photocopied my passport and transcript. I'm not sure if I'm officially in the class yet, but I am being processed. I'm sure I will be okay.

The class consists of the same lecture on monday but at three different times (12-1, 1-2 and 2-3), so that is interesting as you can choose which one will fit better into your schedule. I also will have a tutorial hour and an audiovisual hour, so it adds up to somewhere about 3 or 4 hours for the week. All seems quite flexible. I'm sure it will keep me busy, and I'll get to ride the cable car for a bit until I learn a more efficient way to get there. :-) And I will have access to the library and such which is always a fine thing indeed. I can't even remember how OU's classes went along. For foreign languages it seemed that there would be 2 or 3 of the same class right? But not ever three times in a row on the same day. So that is new. German and foreign languages are in a building called von Zedlitz. :-)

I'm wondering now if I might try and do a two year creative writing degree. If so I'll have to work a lot on stuff this term. It's strange to think that many of you at OU will be graduating and leaving in June, while I'll probably be starting on winter term. Yeah, nz schools do start in February as it is autumn now/soon-ish. New tv seasons are starting too which seems odd, though many are still a season behind america.

Before I start blabbing too much about television, a week or so before all this at victoria, my mom and I went to Massey which has a fine arts department, so I was hoping to start there with one class and then gradually pick up a more sufficient workload. But no one was helpful there whatsoever, very non-understanding of what I wanted to do even after explaining it a couple of times. Is it so difficult to just take an "interest" paper? (They call classes/credits "papers" here). The fine arts lady was very snotty and dismissive. Massey isn't known for being very responsible anyway, so it figures.

Before getting to Massey, I slipped into a boutique on Cuba St. and ended up buying a vintage-ish dress which smells like my grandmother (I'm amazed at how many elderly peoples' clothes smell so similar. I don't know what it must be. But I hope I smell that way when I get older). I'm still amazed at what buying an item of clothing will do to my morale and energy... it works better than coffee.

Well, you all know how excited I get over clothes. The dress and the frustration of Massey really got me motivated and excited for writing and doing stuff at Vic. It was just good to actually feel "something", as even feeling irritated at others' stupidity can be a great release and enlivener.

That's my huge closet in the back.
And my basket type lampshade (?).
And my blue walls with blue trim which I want to paint over.




Most houses in Wadestown (our 'suburb' just up from Wellington) get colder inside than the temperature outside, so even though it's summer I've been sleeping under two blankets, and some nights it has gotten fairly cold in my room to where I've used a space heater. Once, I awoke to what I thought was a normal temperature but upon stepping out into the hallway found that the house was freezing and I needed a jumper and tights to have a comfortable breakfast. But then it gets a little humid when one is outside, and when walking up hills one gets a little sweaty. I will appreciate it when I can wear a coat.

I've found that taking the bus to downtown makes things nicer as when I arrive at a downtown stop I have not already been overwhelmed by the noises and nearness of cars on the roads (which are a bit "hairy" as Paul put it. The roads. Not the cars).

I recommend Ray Bradbury for some very good reading.

I found this handy site where you can 'drop' files, so I'm attempting to drop a zip file of songs for everyone to download. lol.
Just click on the 'All Drop Files' link. You can upload files to this website and also can call from a phone and leave messages:
http://drop.io/flatwhite

Let's see. Anything else?

Hannah is at Wellington Girls and wears a uniform. :-) There have been a few funny anecdotes and happenings in her classes so far, one being that in classics (or english?) there was reference to a "bugle" in a poem, and Hannah had to explain what it was ("A trumpet without valves" she said) and people were amazed. And then she was further surprised when no one knew what taps was or any variation of a trumpet like instrument ("Band class" is not something which frequently exists in nz). She has made it into a music academy where she will continue to play her trumpet, mostly with a bunch of guys, which she is excited about as her school is "full of GIRLS. Everywhere!!".

Hmm.

People say "see ya latah!" a lot over here. Store clerks, student helpers, bus drivers... strangers you have been in contact with for only a few minutes... It is definitely friendly, and implies that you actually might see them later, again, somewhere (which in Wellington is entirely possible). I find it much nicer than all the "goodbye"s or "have a nice day"s people usually spit out. The student helper who chatted with me said it. Everyone says thank you to the bus driver when they get off, or some say "thank you drivah!", which is also very nice. It just makes interactions that much less impersonal. One feels as if she is welcome in places and will be helped and not ignored. There are those self-righteous middle aged nz ladies who don't understand quietness...there are all types, but for the most part everyone seems quite happy and glad to help you out. I love it, coming from a place where I felt really out of the loop and secretly discriminated against for not being from the midwest. I don't know what people had against me in Ohio, but it was something unpleasant. And now it feels that it's been lifted. :-)

Rice Krispies are called Rice Bubbles...
I still can't think properly of what all is "different" over here...
You'll all have to come see for yourselves. :-)

I am still missing you all terribly. I don't know how to feel about it all yet...most times it doesn't come up into my mind but then on days like today memories come crashing in and I get very angry and sad and want to be alone with my confusion. It's just one day at a time now. My next adventure begins on monday with my german class. Who knows what will happen (even between now and then)...

Cheers.

Hello Dears.

Perhaps I don't hold promises well. I have not made a mix, I have not sent anyone anything yet, I have not updated this once every week. It really only seems like yesterday that it was last Saturday, yet here is the next one, and now Sunday. I'm not really sure what I did between.

It is challenging to write of new zealand, as it is fairly "yeah, I know" to me, and it takes me a while to figure that many of you haven't lived here or been here or know anything about it. All the lollies and meat-pies and flatwhites to be had. Flatwhite is a type of coffee drink here, which I am sad that they don't make in the u.s. as it is the perfect elusive cup of goodness residing between a cafe au lait and a latte. I don't know if they have cafe au laits here. I say Max should look it up on Wikipedia and experiment in the Donkey. Or someone should print out how to make them and give the baristas an experiment to deal with.

Life has been rather lackluster. I fall into the West Chester trap, which entails staying in the house for most of the day, reading. I finished Madame Bovary in a few days. Now I must find something else. I have gotten a library card, issued to me by a certain handsome library creature at his desk and computer, in flannel shirt with soft eyes...umm. The Library is a nice haven, I've always felt comfortable around books, around high stacks of them, the quietness. I've only meandered along the first floor, which is not the ground floor by the way. In nz, and england, etc., the 'first floor' is america's '2nd floor' (I've always gotten those mixed up since). And I've seen, by the windows along the side (much as in Alden), some nice tables and chairs (though no pony rides or dancing bears, or even a band...except sometimes, a lot of times, there IS a band outside on civic square...). It's so nice, that I even applied for a part-time job there, of re-stacking and mending books. So I'm hoping that I might be called down for it. Then maybe I'd find out about the handsome guy behind the counter. heh. As well as it would be something nice for me to be doing instead of sitting around at home. Yes I'm boring! What did you think?

I haven't been feeling my best lately, maybe one could tell by the short sentences and lack of things to say...? But I think I will be seeing someone to help me, and I hope that I will get many things sorted out. It's hard to write about anything when one feels empty of self, and when one's mind is foggy and listless, and when one freaks out about certain things and is hypomanically not able to think of words with which to end sentences.

It's so easy to say, "look at me, I'm moving to another country, surprise it's going to be a blast...bon voyage, miss me! Love me! Remember me!" but then there is the crumbling difference of reality which comes in at you, telling you at last that moving to a country doesn't solve anything, you're still yourself. And you remain in longing, and unsatisfied, things are stale and painfully in transition. It makes me wonder if I needed some sort of 'halting', to realize that I must truly fix things before I can become a better and more functioning person. And perhaps I am not meant to study or create anything of great importance until I am at least thirty.

I've been reading some Rilke lately (this afternoon) and found so many corresponding difficulties which he struggled with, as if he was looking into my mind and wondering things for me in profound ways on stretches of European beach and forest in the very late 1800's. I will share some of those quotes with you, but later, as the book is upstairs in my room and my family goes to bed before 10pm (lame!). :-) Many of the things written were of his struggle with feeling unanchored in himself, not creating things, having long breaks of time in between writings and not coming into himself until around 28 years of age. It's life. I have a feeling it will do what it will, but I know that I don't feel I'm on a normal track, or maybe not everyone goes to college and finishes right away. It seems so expected these days to become dreadfully successful, and I feel like a klutz for not having a degree yet. Isn't that sad? In the end what is a degree worth in comparison to sound mental health? Yes, and I'm much more neurotic than perhaps you think I am. So I really do need to do some serious healing; something. Anything.

Anyway.

Last Saturday I met up with a school friend I hadn't seen for 10 years. We met down at Fidel's (as in Castro. Not as in, that other Fidel guy) at the end of Cuba street, for some coffee. Cuba Street is kind of like the funky "Athens-like, bohemian" district of Wellington, as opposed to Lambton Quay which is more the heart of the business district, where everyone is 30 something and wears black and heeled shoes and where business men take up the entire sidewalk in their mid-day chatter. I have a feeling many of you would like Fidel's, as well as many of the coffee shops to be had in Wellington. As well as many of the stores there...as well as a lot of things! The end of Cuba street is also near Wellington's Massey University campus (the 'creative' campus), which is where one of my high school friends/acquaintances studied for a semester, so perhaps it is an area more well-endowed by students, bums, and people with tattoos and studs and where people in the night come out with their poi-pois and set them aflame.

It was fun to meet my friend, I just had to look at her for a while to see how she'd changed and how she was the same. When we were 11, I think she was the only person I invited over to my house more than once, she was 'larger' and we just struck up a friendship. She still laughs the same way which I found oddly comforting, as I remember her being pretty jolly and high spirited. Later on, when we were 12, she and other girls were pretty horrible to me (left me pretty emotionally scarred), and one of the first things she said to me was that she was sorry, and how awful it was to remember as she is a person who wouldn't even think of doing things like that now. I felt pretty disconnected from it, so it wasn't a big deal, as I remember her more as my friend and less as a bully. The other girls were worse than her. But I expect that I'll see more of her off and on. She's taken up cycling, and is now learning how to group cycle, which seems is quite difficult as one has to know how to change positions, etc. She is also vegan and worked as a chef for a while, learning all sorts of vegan dishes, and is now going back to school to learn massage therapy (which is an area of study more challenging than many would imagine). She's a good person and seems to know everyone.

Tomorrow/today I'm meeting up with another past classmate. I remember he had a crush on me, and wrote things like, "I enjoy your company" on class autograph papers. Really nice and goofy guy, so I'm looking forward to that. His voice will have changed though, so that'll be different. heh.

What do you guys want to know?

It is pretty refreshing to walk up steep hills.
Steeper than Jeff Hill even.

Ahh. It's raining right now.
I still feel that I live at the seaside.

If you're in need of a book, read Daphne du Maurier. Short stories. I can't get enough of them. They're bizarre and very human. And just promise me you'll read some Shirley Jackson, some day?

What are you in need of?

Cadbury chocolate? Oaty Slices (my new fav, citrus and orange)? Keychains? More Donkig Donut stickers? Teatowels? Miniature kiwi models? I saw some kiwi figurines the other day and imagined them all sitting in your apartments. :-) Need two-dollar coins? (no, I need those for the bus sometimes). Umm, nail clippings? Locks of hair? To be sure, my locks are not nearly as long as Madame Bovary's, but I have access to it all. I will find treasures for you.

Hmm. ::must set aside shopping day...::

'Avo' is short for 'afternoon'.

So, until whenever something interesting happens. :-)

::flourish:: --Liz

We have moved into our house (as of nearly a week ago), but did not have internet access until last yesterday (also known as Tuesday). We also at the same time got a television and some cable, and conveniently (like I remember) television stations play the Simpsons and family guy during dinner hours. It was in New Zealand actually when my family started watching the Simpsons because it was always on at 6pm. We have channels 1, 2, 3, and Prime (4), and some other ones which don't have too much going on. Disney channel and Nickelodeon. TCM...an occasional movie channel... But it's all one needs. We have rented a few movies, and we watched Everything Is Illuminated a few days ago and I thought of you Audry in your officious premium glory. :-)

A side note. I have decided that calling this a "travel journal" isn't really suitable, as I'm not traveling I'm just continuing to live life, it happens to be in another country half way around the world, one which isn't so vastly unfamiliar. I could call this then, my foreign living logue. Or my acclimation diary. Experience journal. Daily record of how many plums fall from our tree each day and how the bus drops you off on the left-hand side notebook.

Anyway.

Our container does not arrive until the 18th of February. It isn't too far away now. And then I will have a proper bed, and my piano, and things to sit on. Will have more junk than I can probably fit comfortably into my room. For now I have a small mattress (exactly similar to the ones I used at the washington st. house, if people remember those [Steve should! hah]), it's quite comfy. I use the floor as my desk, and never hang things up. I am working on a Sudoku book. My main bedroom window is painted shut, but my other small one opens and often I feel that I am staying in a house near the sea, hearing bangs and echoes of a container yard and an occasional seagull or toot of a ship horn.

There is something that says ocean in the air, something fresh and clear smelling. And I only noticed it a few minutes ago when lying down that I haven't had to blow my nose in the mornings as I did daily in Ohio. That's kind of a big thing for me.

Honestly I haven't been doing too much (besides reading and Sudoku and enjoying one bathroom for four. No it's not really that bad. We have one bathroom upstairs and one downstairs, and even then everyone wakes up before me). Haven't gone down town every day, but a day or two ago I got some flip flops and some new ballet flats (as my old ones have been in considerable use since high school prom). It's been quite an adjustment so far. I'm definitely not used to being in a city, nor am I especially used to walking around with other people (my family) and having to talk to them and having to acknowledge their existences. I was spoiled in Athens, walking around by myself, to the library, renting movies, the dollar store...not having to wait for anyone or be impeded by another's slow pace. At times my head can't get around it and I get irritated. It's because I'm not in control, and when with my family I have no set agenda, it is spontaneous.

Maybe you've heard somewhere that I get nervous, or have problems with anxiety, tinged with obsessive appearance checking, or maybe you have not. But I find that my nervousness has been in the way of enjoying myself. It's still odd to think that I've moved here. Was it kind of a reckless thing to do?

Today made me think not, as I went into town by myself, mostly for the experience but also to eat a packed lunch and to get a library card, which has images of ferns on it and says, "Miss E Clink" on the back. Except that today there was a parade on Lambton Quay (basically the main street, business district, downtown) for the super 7 rugby, so it was something to avoid and I've had enough practice crossing streets in Athens to get by. ;-)

The few hours down there left me sweaty and tired, but it felt good to get some endorphins, to be out walking. My face looks fresher. The last time I was here, with my friend Aaron, I remember that at about the end of 3 weeks (coming back to wellington after doing s. island stuff), I felt really great when walking around and I suddenly settled in. It just takes time to adjust and experience.

But, one thing which has been giving me moods is the change from winter to a summer climate. I packed wrong clothes, and it has been fairly warm. Though January is the equivalent of July to those in the northern hemisphere, so I actually have been sweating whenever in the sun. But unlike Ohio, I find immense relief sitting in the shade. I like winter, and wrapping up in jackets, so I am missing that. Usually when visiting nz I get a double dose of winter, but this time is is backwards.

Yesterday I talked to Audry and Steve! What a surprise! You guys did lift my spirits considerably, up from feeling pretty hopeless and depressed/lethargic, and made me remember how important friends are. Through you all I have learned the importance of friendship, before college my friendship capacity was not very well developed, I thought I could do fine on my own, but now I am so glad that friends make me smile and make my heart leap when I hear and see them. It's too good a feeling to not go amiss.

Tomorrow I might go downtown again to perhaps get things for people. I know a few of you have February birthdays.

Tomorrow I may get a flatwhite as well, and read in a coffee shop somewhere at cuba mall. Maybe I'll wander as far down to a cafe called Midnight Espresso. I think all of you would love it; they have really great organic pies/pastries.

Many things are organic here, or many things that are 'not classified as organic' have higher quality than stupid processed foods. The apples we're almost sure come right off of someone's tree in their backyard, and they're the best tasting things in the world. We also figure they are fresh from someone's yard as we have a plum tree in the front of our house and my mom has made plum jam and cobbler already from the amount we've gathered. And people steal them! Grrr. So we have to make sure to get them all so people don't just stop and walk up our small path. I can't blame them though, they're really good. Food is quite accessible...we're a 15 minute walk from the downtown New World. There's also a far tinier New World way downtown called the Metro New World. There are so many yummy things!

I wish all of you could graduate and move down here... or we could all move to Europe somewhere and live in a big house together.

That's my dream as of now.

I have been looking (casually) at some University stuff here. Massey in Wellington is fortunately the Creative Campus, and they have Printmaking classes and a Thesis semester one can do in fine arts. I would love it if a lot of my credits transferred (they' are en route) and that I could just take the last few requirements. At Victoria U. they have creative writing workshops. So perhaps for next year.

I'll leave you with some pictures of our currently furniture-absent house.

I am here!

After a very long trip and trying to sleep on an airplane seat without much luck, I am finally here.
We are currently staying at my dad's former boss's house which is perhaps a 10 or 15 minute drive from the city (which could be considered as being "far away", as from our future house the city isn't more than a 15 or 20 minute walk away). For all the peace and quiet the Wellington area offers, it is still something to try and get used to. I am loving the particular brand of quietness Wellington is lending itself to, as it extends to the outdoors and nature. Everything is beautiful and I'm finding it a bit overwhelming. I don't even notice the power-lines (they have powerlines?) because everything else holds my attention.

Yesterday and this morning I found myself frustrated and nervous, feeling awkward and strange and that everyone in the city and otherwise was staring at me. Felt incredibly that I stuck out too much and had many mixed emotions resurfacing from my personal history with nz. But today after I sat in a park area alone and wrote in my journal, I began to feel much better and lighter. I was so frustrated with how everyone seemed so natural and casual and attractive, as of course I expected myself to be the same way (with poor results) and without realizing that I still have to shed what film of blandness West Chester has placed over my person. I really do believe that the place makes the people, as I swear that every pedestrian who passed us had this certain sparkle in their eyes and a brightness and aliveness in their face which I just hadn't seen for a very long time.

I note this sort of aliveness in certain people in Athens, but it is certainly not everywhere there (in Ohio). One can see why people sparkle here, the environment is magical and always moving. It itself is alive and vibrant and full of color. It is sunny, windy, cool and hot, and the food is amazing. The hills are alive with the sound of whooshing and bird song.

Yet on a Saturday lunch hour and afternoon in the capital, the city sidewalks are not crowded whatsoever and many shops are closed. It is also summer time though, and many people are on holiday somewhere else, but even on a winter night at 6pm everyone is at home eating dinner and the streets are quite dead. A lot like Athens on a long holiday weekend when everyone goes home.

I really can't expect myself to be acclimated to nz after one or two days though.

Today we also visited our future house again to bring in appliances and measure the space for the refrigerator we must buy. We are looking at moving in between Tuesday and Friday, and so will be camping out until our container gets here (which might not be for a few more weeks). Once it does get here though...

We're afraid we might have too many things and that our house will be packed full, which is oddly ironic considering that we didn't have "much at all" compared to households in Cincinnati...but I'm very much looking forward to having my bed and desk and piano and art stuff, the rest of my clothes and my possessions. My room has the most wonderful view, of the massive amounts of trees on the hillside and part of the city, and has a rather large built-in wardrobe. I love houses with character; a lot of houses in Wadestown were built in the early 1900's. I guess at that time the place was named after a farmer (Wade) and most of it was farmland (though I can't imagine farming on such steep hills). The house itself was built in the 1920's and it is rather vintage-y (I will take lots of pictures of it soon enough) and some rooms have a musty smell, but it definitely has a lot of character. I am glad that it reminds me of our old Wade St. house (when we lived there before) as that was built in 1908 and I missed it dearly when we left, with it's long front hallway of rooms, of my small room looking out onto a kowhai tree.

I think in my room in the new house I will feel like a Katherine Mansfield or someone Virginia Woolfish, as it just has that aura to it. It makes me inspired to write and make art, which is definitely a good thing.

We also went into the city today (I can't even remember if we did yesterday), and had flatwhites and H and I went off to walk around while my parents looked for possible sleeping bags. I couldn't believe how overwhelmed I became from all the wind. Really... O__o Didn't give me a headache but when it wasn't windy I realized how tensed up my body had been from trying not to be knocked around by the sudden gushes. I tried to take a small video of it when sitting on a bench in a park by the harbor... only got a 360 degree view before I had to hold my skirt down. lol. Walking to the part via Queen's Wharf, there were a few seconds where H and I had to just get behind a building or something, and at the same time 3 or 4 young women on rented segways were about to zoom by...the wind got so intense that I just had to brace myself and try to get to a wall. lol. And that was only in the city... I can't imagine the wind up at Mt. Vic on some days.

I think you can tell when my skirt blew up a bit in the second segment of the video. The first and third segments were taken at the house we are staying in for now, and the 2nd taken in the city (bear in mind that my camera has really shoddy quality and this is only meant to be a jet-lagged example:




Another thing about wind is that one doesn't necessarily need a hair drier. And that it is helpful to have a hairstyle which does not need to be "styled". Hairspray will not hold anything. Don't even bother using it and expecting hair to stay how you put it. I'm actually pleasantly surprised how well my hair is doing. In the past it's just been dreadful when traveling, but I seem to have stumbled upon a sort of cut which does really well in wind and the elements and looks really okay after spending a day in the city; and all I have to do is use shampoo and towel-dry it.

A tid-bit for flight of the conchords fans, Bret and Jemaine do live in Wellington, and Bret happens to live up the street from family friends' of ours daughter in the Mt. Victoria area. She says she sees them walking around occasionally, but it's not really too big a deal. It is nice how it's never really a big deal with celebrities (as far as shocking fandom craziness goes). At the Wellington Airport we were standing near the baggage claim waiting for our luggage when Sigourney Weaver walked in between me and the carousel (which couldn't have been more than a space of 4 or 5 feet) to go get a luggage trolley or something of that nature.

But it was just very casual, and celebrities say they like coming to nz because people don't get hyped up with their appearances.

I guess Andrew Bird was here too a week or so ago, as my dad heard him being interviewed on the radio.
So he does come to nz! I had wondered about that. :-)

Ahhh. I'm bit tired now. Tomorrow I think I'll stay in and read, recover from today and everything.

I do have Skype, if anyone is interested in talking on that. Perhaps I'll try to be on it tomorrow or Monday, seeing as that will still be most of your guys' weekend.

Here is my pretty permanent address for now (come Tuesday or so):

17 Orchard Street
Wadestown
Wellington
New Zealand

I think it's just about the easiest address to remember. No zipcode! heh.

First or second entry of 2008, and the week in California I have just experienced, proved to've been sneaky, downright overwhelming in some spots, and intriguing in others. My family and I (minus dad) were in L.A. (Pasadena, and various a traveler's destinations), mainly (yes, well, understatement...) for the Rose Parade that my youngest sister marched in on New Years' Eve day. So if you happened to catch some of it on television, she was in the Lakota West Marching Firebirds from West Chester, Ohio and was in the last line of trumpets, third from the left (face on). Yes, we made sure to know exactly.

I don't blame you if you didn't catch this parade on tv, probably it was in your better interests to be nursing headaches...
(I kind of remember new years from last year...kind of...)

The parade was much more interesting behind the scenes, though there were miniature ponies and curly horses (I shot a few seconds of the ponies, so I'll put that up later). As an aside, I think many of you reading this would like to know more about curly horses, as from what I've read they are quite special. They are hypoallergenic and their hair can grow to, I think, about half a foot long and can be spun into yarn.  "[The Horse's] temperament is peaceful, quiet and calm. When frightened it often stops to watch and think before resorting to panic. It learns easily and quickly."

There seems to be information on them in the internet (cool history), so look around!

Parades, especially the Rose Parade, aren't quite as glamorous as is seen over a screen. It was cold, and our bus arrived between 6 and 6:30 am in time for us to sit on the bleachers until around 9 when we started to see things coming down the street. Things! And silly band followers kept standing up and taking pictures, to the small irritation of myself and a few others. So we experienced the stark reality of a large parade, and the smallness of floats going along in a wide space (well, and I hadn't had the best day or night the day before...more about that later perhaps).

Though, to immense credit to the floats and their creators, a few days before, we went on a tour and saw a few floats in the middle of being decorated so it was pretty amazing then to see the beauty of the flowers and how much work they did to the floats between then and parade day. Nearly all of the objects covering the floats were from natural materials. Seeds, nuts, leaves, crushed things, straw, grasses, fruits, etc. as well as many plants and of course, roses. Anything you can think of. Seeing the floats in the warehouses was very much like stepping into the room of a highly advanced 3D studio class.

The detail taken and thought of in these floats is crazy and lovely.



Urrr...I should have updated sooner, as I've done so many things and am now back in Ohio, and just have not had a chance to myself to write about it, even in my portable journal (frustration!).

We also went to Hollywood on our time spent in CA, which wasn't all that glamorous either, except in glimpses of retrospect and imagination. We saw where the Oscars are held, and walked up the steps which carry the red carpet a few times a year (they make the steps wider in width and shorter in height on the staircase so that it is easier for the women to walk up in their evening dresses and shoes. I tried it out, it works), we saw many names on pink stars imbedded into the ground and placed our hands and feet into the palms and soles of the famous cemented in...cement. :-)

I got Jimmy Stewart



And of course, Gene Kelly (with whom I share a birthday, so it's kind of a 'thing'. Plus...it's Gene Kelly)



(note the fun headset and radio around my head and neck, that was so we could hear our tour guide wherever he was.)

I stood in many others'. It's really something to step in the footprints of these people, taking a few seconds to measure foot lengths and sizes of hands. People were tiny back then. I think we tend to forget that, or never seem realize it at all. But people were really awfully tiny.

In Hollywood, we were consigned to a walking tour, and I have to say my favorite place was Stella Adler's Academy, while it is still in use, but had a lot of pictures of old time movie actors and actresses, and I imagined myself away to how it must have been in the 20's and 30's, with the grand theatres and sunny days, clean, less populated, and bereft of smog, going back into speakeasy bars hidden (in the academy)...and sneaking out through bookcases.


After that...

should I even mention Universal Studios? I'll only end up complaining...
This brings up a thing which bothered me far too much on this trip, as we were a part of a larger group called the "followers", which was comprised of band parents. :-S and...well no, only band parents. Loud ones. Large ones. Obnoxious ones who like to try and relive their youth and eat creme puffs when really they should be eating anything but.

Being part of a large group, one is better off to be in the majority, because after spending 12 hours at a theme park, Lis is not a happy camper.

Yeach. 12 hours.
The lunch was nice, the 3 rides were fun, but after that there was just nothing to do, and after working at a theme park for 3 summers, I just don't want to talk about it. Though, don't see the new National Treasure movie, or at least don't spend money on it; laugh at it from the comfort of your own home. ;-) My favorite lines were, "The water's going down", and "You make my parents leave! You make my parents leeeave!"

Hehe...enough of that.

What else would you like to know?

I saw the Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune sets, saw how nothing is real in Hollywood and film. :-) Kind of weird. There are many things about this trip and other things I don't want to bore you with... if I had my way (and really I do) I wouldn't have written about California at all. Anyway.

We also went on the Queen Mary, which was a neutral experience.

Honestly I've been feeling damn apathetic and anhedonic lately, so it's been hard to write about things with much emotion or excitement or whatever else.

It is still hard to go through the days leading up to actually leaving. I am still in Ohio, back in the snug Stabridge Suites, though it's not as bad as before, probably because we are not all worrying about going to L.A. and Christmas etc. and I can go see movies (like Sweeny Todd) by myself on Monday afternoons when absolutely no one is there.

I don't know. When I am not left alone when I need to be, I turn into an awful family member and friend, so it's been hard to try and tell people that and have them understand that when I have that time I am more able to be a fun person. Most of you know that already. And really I am usually better after being left alone for a bit, while in the alone-time I can think and figure things out, can decompress. It's just been something that has been on my mind, as it's been violated a lot lately.

I'm still pretty scared of moving, and the future...what I'm going to do in the next 6 months to a year...if I'll manage to get my own little apartment, if I will get a job, if I will feel too much pressure to "get going on things"...how long will it take? I want to plan ahead, make sure I'm ready for things, but I can't, as I don't know anything and know nothing. Anything could happen. Exciting and so very frightening.



The concept of a travel journal intrigues me a bit, as my usual writing focuses on thoughts and speculations, the things which come from introspecting, so it is odd and new to be writing about "things I have done". I wish my entries were more elegant and composed. More wistful perhaps.

To be fair, I am not traveling yet. (ah ha!), so am not in the traveling mood or mind-set.

Okay, this is enough for one night.

This journal will improve! I swear.

The 15th we are leaving, and I will try and update this at least once a week.

Adieu

p.s. oh and about that mix. Wouldn't it be cooler if I sent it to you from NZ? haha. Well, if not from there, then from somewhere with a nz return address, but from somewhere in Ohio.

Tschuessie!

Frohliche Weihnachten!

I hope all your Holidays have been going pleasantly and that everyone is having some time off to sit back and enjoy something. Truthfully, I haven't been enjoying much. But we had a roast last night which was excellent, and watched Casino Royale which was a roasty toasty movie (I like Daniel Craig), buildings sinking into canals and all.

Things have been in a kind of blur, moving from our house was a nice thing, to finally get away and out...
It's been hard to look forward to things, as they feel like they will never arrive. Everything is taking a long time.

My family and I are currently moved into Staybridge Suites, which has been...mediocre...but we will be leaving it for awhile come Friday. I do have in mind a list of things I would improve in this suite, but it's all along the lines of me being nit-picky and hypersensitive. I imagined myself last night while falling asleep, of filling out a commentary card, writing that I probably wouldn't stay here again, "but I might. It's 50/50". It's not that I'm spoiled and demanding, it's that I'd rather live alone in a well-insulated shack rather than in a flash place with annoyances of garish lights and buzzings, refrigerator clickings, and lights from the microwave when I am trying to sleep. In a shack with warm blankets and solitude, I'd probably feel physically okay.

I have swam once in the pool, but since it is indoor the chlorine nauseated me to where I ended up floating on the steps of the shallow end, watching my legs bob and dip in the lapping of ripples, wondering about fat and buoyancy. It is harder to breathe when submerged in the pressure of water. I can still do the backstroke well, but I think I'll always prefer walking for my exercise. Chlorine does not leave the skin easily, even with a shower. Blech!

We did also go to barnes and noble (yay an outing!), where I got a volume of the works of Franz Kafka (I'm really liking Metamorphosis, why didn't I ever get to read it in high school English?? More importantly, why haven't I ever read Kafka until now??). I also leafed through art nouveau design books (sigh!) and visited my high school friend Emily, and that was a very refreshing thing, talking to her, as it seems I haven't spent more than a minute away from the full presence of anyone who is related to me (after having my own apartment, this has been driving me nuts and into angry moods).

At the moment I've been left alone, with the premise and assumption that I am working on my CD mix for everyone, even though I probably will not send them until January. But I thought I'd take the opportunity for a moment of "do not disturb". Have to take those every chance I get (It's not that I hate my family either, it's just that I need to be physically alone for periods of time during the day otherwise everything threatens me with an anxious insanity).

Ahh, The Mix. Yes. I have been listening to my songs over and over again to where I am finding it difficult to choose ones to put together. I'm sure you guys won't mind what's on it, but I am a perfectionist and want everything to be just right. I need some new music! Stat. But I feel that I am nearly to something that can be sent out, so as I know most of you will be getting back to college and such in the next few days, I think it would be safer to send this mix to your places there.

I know that some of you don't have a college address yet (people who have transfered) so I'll wait until you move in to your new abode.

So my Christmas Mix has now become a Winter Mix. ;-)

To me, it doesn't feel much like December at all (well, it is almost January...) or winter, as if I am existing in an alternate time of the year which names no months or dates. And soon I will be in the full glory of an N Zedland summer! And sooner than that, will be in the warmer climate of the Southern end of California. We are flying to California on Friday as part of Rose Parade Band 'Followers', and will be staying in an actual hotel... and hopefully getting beach time between scheduled activities. :-P :-) I forget what all they have in store for us, but I got some sunglasses and a new outfit to possibly make myself look glamorous (another skirt! I've lost count of how many I have of those).

The Rose Parade. Is part of the Rose Bowl which is a big american football thing (for international people who may read this. There are all sorts of "bowls", some which have funny names. I always thought the Sugar Bowl was amusing), It is broadcast on January 1st, 8am PST, on HGTV (why Home and Garden TV, I do not know. Perhaps it has to do with the "Rose" bit...that would only be logical), and ABC, NBC, Travel Channel, Discovery... It is kind of exciting, as I grew up on the west coast so I remember the Rose Bowl being an important thing (most likely because U-Dub won a few times when I was around 7 or 8). Or at least the name was mentioned often enough to give me imaginings of a romantic sort of event which took place in a far away land of glittering water and rays of passionate sun... Roses covering the hills and trees. Sigh...

After we come back on January 4th, we'll stay here again at Staybridge and then not leave for NZ until the 15th.

I wonder if a lot of people think I'm a little crazy for moving to New Zealand. It's not something that people often do. I would like to say that I've come to a point in my life where there feels to be a huge new beginning upon the horizon. Most of you know that I've had some weird months during the last few years, and while this move seems completely spontaneous, it is more logical a decision than anything else and has been in my mind for a while. I still love OU and Athens and believe me I'm really missing it right now; wish I could be there to wander the library and muse in the Donkey, and see all of you. But that's probably all I would do, as my creative motivation has been suffering while continuing to stay there. Pros and cons, pros and cons. You all are my biggest pro for staying, but I can't stay for people alone, even though I've never had better friends (really I haven't. Sorry to get mushy, but you are the first real friends I've ever had and have enjoyed having around. Ever.)

It is scary though, I wonder what I will do in NZ or if I will get some sort of a job first for a year or so (tuition is much much cheaper), or if I will end up traveling, and I wonder what will become of my artwork (i found out I had a LOT of it when I had to get it ready for the movers to pack up). I'm sure that once I get settled that I will be very inspired to work and write and be generally creative.

I've been missing my piano. Any piano. I thought it'd be really cool to start taking piano lessons again; instill some discipline and technique (all the feeling and heart is there, expressiveness, but it needs to be channeled better).

I have a feeling that maybe I'll get some good connections somehow. Wouldn't it be wonderful to do artwork and have it displayed somewhere? I just want to be a bohemian and do whatever the hell I want. :-)  Everything seems open and up to possibility. Illustrating, collage, painting, wood carving, wood engraving, monotyping, collographs, needlework, papermaking, pressing flowers, writing, poetry, photos, abstract videos, fashion, piano, reading, baking... !! It makes me excited. :-)

If you don't know of her, check out Wanda Gag. She illustrated and wrote some of my favorite children's books and did drawings, lithographs and wood engravings, etc. They have some books on her (including a biography and diary) in the OU library on the third floor.

I watched many movies and checked out a few books this last fall quarter.
I might attempt to read Madame Bovary...and have to eventually finish Anna Karenina, and Nausea, and so many more others. But now I have Franz Kafka and will most likely be reading that.
 
But here are some recommendations:

Books:
The Breaking Point -- Daphne du Maurier (I absolutely love these stories. If you loved Rebecca, you'll love these)
The Ice Storm -- Rick Moody (really, just really great writing)
Lady Oracle + The Handmaid's Tale + Oryx and Crake -- Margaret Atwood
The Haunting of Hill House -- Shirley Jackson (I love all her stuff, her short stories are wonderful!)
Janet Frame
H.E. Bates short stories

Movies: (I'm horrible at remembering what movies I've seen, so bear with me)

Delicatessen -- Jean Pierre Jeunet
Interiors + Stardust Memories + Manhatten -- Woody Allen
The Apartment  -- Billy Wilder (I like Jack Lemmon in this)
The Ice Storm -- Ang Lee (both novel and movie are great)
La Pianiste --Michael Haneke (kind of disturbing, but fascinating)
Lawrence of Arabia! :-)
Glen or Glenda -- Ed Wood
The Piano -- Jane Campion
Frankenwienie -- Tim Burton
Koyaanisqatsi; Life Out of Balance -- Godfrey Reggio
Muriel's Wedding -- P.J. Hogan

Oh, and TREMORS (!). Everyone must rent Tremors.

So yes. Just a few I guess. I should have written down all that I've seen, as I remember renting far too many movies this last quarter.

Anyway.
I'm fairly hungry.
And we're seeing Juno today.

I'm probably going to see Sweeny Todd tomorrow.

That's all for now.

<3 <3
 

Hello Friends.

I said I would start this sometime.
Not much action to report around these parts, save that our house is empty of everything except what we are taking with us on planes and a few miscellaneous articles of furniture. Lawn chairs, old mattresses, both of which are more comfortable than our regular means of reclining.

This is a very strange time of inbetween-ness, wanting to jump into a new phase of my life, not wanting to cling on to the old remnants, and somehow existing in the middle of the two which I'm finding unnerving. Never realized how much I need my own 'place' and how there is a need inside me to be seen.

"To where am I going to wear all my outfits???" is something which frustrates and plagues me each winter break. There is no where to go. I turn into a puppy when my mom has to drive somewhere, or when she must take Hannah to an event. I hear the jangle of the keys and rustlings of coats, my ears prick up, "Can I come along? I wanna go for a ride! Can I? Can I?".

I now have a world of insight to the excitements in the lives of dogs.
Though I've always known that beef jerky is something very special.

I've been wanting to write, but have somehow gotten out of the habit. Being stuck in house, carless, has not helped much with my creativity and charming humor, I've been waiting around doing a bunch of nothing and then some. I like having a coffee shop to walk to, people to dress up for, libraries in which to disappear, strange movies to rent. Suburbia's a nightmare of lack in this regard.

Having movers here for the last week had isolated me into our sunroom (where we had put things we didn't want them to pack up), and I spent a good two or three days sitting on a couch, reading a book a day (Lady Oracle, Oryx and Crake, and Garden State...I recommend the first two. Garden State was alright if you're in the mood for a story about bleak lives of late 80's new jersey teens), and trying to work on a Christmas mix for all you lovelies.

The mix is going slowly. I'm going to work on it more this week, as I want to get the mood right to where one could play it on a quiet winter morning or evening while relaxing with holiday foods, by a fire. Strange and soothing, something interesting for the ears. And I also want it to remind you guys slightly of me. Of course.

This next Friday, my sister Maggie is coming home from Nebraska, and we are all moving into a building called Staybridge Inn, which is a faux stone covered place of hospitality not 5 minutes away from my old high school (mom is thinking of making Hannah walk to school in January). It has a pool. Tomorrow my mom and I are going swimsuit shopping. (yay! Car ride!)

We'll stay there until the 20 gbrmgrmumblthsomething, after Christmas at which time I, my mother, maggie and her boyfriend todd, and hannah will all be flying to California, as Hannah's marching band is marching in the Rose Parade. Maybe you'll have to look for that on tv. I'm not sure if/when it's being broadcast.

A request from people, are addresses. For Christmas cards.
If I get too many addresses, then the cards/packages will have to be reduced in size and perhaps quality, as I'm not a Christmas machine. Most likely I'll make a small card of cheer with a fanfare of bunnies. And a cd. So apologies if they all look alike (though I ought not to mention all this, as it's not like you all live in one big house together and will be comparing...).

Comments will be screened so you don't have to worry about everyone else reading your addresses. And once I have them, I can delete them. Or you can send them to me by facebook, or e-mail. The thing with screen comments is that if I reply to them, they become visible (I never knew that), so I'm not ignoring you if I don't reply. I'm not that cold and withdrawn, am I?

But yes. If you want this Mix etc. I'll try to get them out soonish. Don't hold me to getting them on time to you for Christmas. We'll see what happens. I kept out my gouche and one brush just in case of artistic inspiration.
 
Hope you're all well.